By Rae Avery
Naming a cockroach instead of a star – Everyone knows those star charts are bogus and the inhabitants of the planets orbiting “Kim & Tina 4ever” will never subscribe to the intergalactic imperialism you’re supposedly heartfelt gift implies. Instead, look toward our own planet and the Bronx Zoo’s new Valentine’s Day fundraising program where you can name a loved one after aMadagascar Hissing Cockroach for $10. Buzzfeed, and a number of other blogs have already tried to spin the scheme as a way for the zoo to profit off of people naming their exes off of the disgusting insect, however, this could be just the thing for the sexy entomologist in your life.
Chocolate — Chocolates are a universally beloved gift, but the bright red, heart-shaped box has an inherent awkward, juvenile feel to it. Just say no. To put a modern twist on this indulgent classic, you could go the extra mile with some haughty overpriced chocolate, or you could spend less than $100 and get your loved one memorialized in 3D-printed chocolate. For someone so sexy you could just eat them up. Results may vary.